…is the bomb. That’s all for now. 🙂
From almost as far back as I can remember, I’ve felt weird. I’ve felt like a fish out of water. As I write this, I’m reflecting on my early life and seeing just what exactly made me feel weird.
Well, as a kid, I picked up on people’s energy, very strongly. So strongly, that it made me uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable because I felt it but the person projecting it was not acknowledging their energy. And, the other people around didn’t seem to be acknowledging it either. So I started to think that this energy was my problem or my fault or…my issue in some way. It made me feel guilty. Jesus. I was feeling guilty about energy that really didn’t have anything to do with me. That has definitely been a consistent theme in my life. Then, of course, just to solidify my feelings of guilt, to somehow make my feeling guilty make sense, I’d do things or put myself in situations, that would reinforce guilt. Wild.
I also, as a kid, had a sense of a lot of love around, very strong love. But that energy of Love seemed be….locked in….or stifled. It felt like there was a tremendous force of love within everyone around but it was being kept in a bit, and not being fully expressed outwards. Interesting.
Yes, so as I write this, I realize a big part of my feeling weird is that I was aware of all of this, but no one was talking about it, so I thought it was just me.
Then I started going to school. In kindergarten, my teacher wrote on my report card that I needed to be more ‘patient’ with students who may not answer questions as quickly as I would like. I don’t remember that. But I guess I really didn’t care much what people thought about me. But at some point, I did start to care. I started to care a lot. So that started a phase of leaving myself, to be liked and to fit in and be seen as acceptable. I had to work very hard at this! First, I already felt fundamentally weird. Second, I wasn’t being myself. Third, I picked up on their energy, and tried to mold myself…energetically, into what I thought was acceptable to them. Wow.
Po’ precious little Simone. My inner child needs a hug!! 🙂 But seriously, that may not be too far off. I really feel that I’ve come to a point in my life, where it’s time for my inner child to know that she is okay, and beautiful, just as she is. She needs to know that being weird is okay. It may not be the norm, but there is certainly no shame in it. She needs to know that feeling energy from people, and trusting her instincts about that energy may not be normal, but it is certainly natural.
I remember looking at trees and thinking, ‘Why am I not that tree?’ ‘Why am I apart from that tree over there?’ I remember having the sense, all at once, that I know I am the tree, I believed I was separate from the tree, I didn’t understand why I was separate from the tree and I didn’t understand why there was a difference between my knowing and believing. Weird? haha
I’ve met some kindred weirdos in my life. Thank goodness! They have been instrumental in helping me to celebrate myself. Ultimately, as much as they reflect self-acceptance, self-love, self-respect and self-value to me, they can’t do it for me.
I was sitting in the park yesterday. I was totally blissed out! It was a joy I’d never quite experienced before. Amazing. I was effortlessly smiling so hard my cheeks started to hurt. And, I thought, ‘I must look crazy. Here I am being weird again.’ I mean, if I was walking down the street and saw somebody with a smile like the one I had on my face, I would think, ‘Oh, either they’re crazy or they are really high.’ So, what I’ve come to is that those thoughts all came from me. They came from my mind. Nobody else’s. So while I’m worrying about what other people may or may not be thinking, I’m missing the fact that I’m the one actually thinking it!! Shit. Enough is enough already.
Ultimately, my experience is a result of MY thoughts about me, not anybody else’s!! I need to write that again. My experience is a result of MY thoughts, not anybody else’s!! Damn, that’s the truth.
So, I’m, what in this society, is called weird. Okay. I can embrace that or struggle with it, and try to be something I’m just not. I can be in total alignment with myself or suppress myself in some way. I CHOOSE THE FORMER! I CHOOSE TO BE MY 100% WEIRD SELF! hahahaha! Yeah!
These videos of psychologist, Dr. Na’im Akbar, came into my awareness recently. I have one of his books entitled, ‘Breaking the Chains of Psychological Slavery‘. The 3rd segment was a direct answer to my sense of hopelessness and despair about the state of black communities.
Another confirmation that the Law of Attraction is real.
Prior Manifestation I
Prior Manifestations I
Yo. What a day I’ve had. A relationship or non-relationship (long story) with a guy I was seeing came to an end today. How does that make me feel? Sad.
Also, I feel so hopeless and in despair about the state of the African-American community and the world. I have done and given so much of myself to somehow bring about change. But not much has changed. As far as I can tell, things are only getting worse. It seems there is nowhere else to go and nowhere else to turn for answers. I talked to my friend, Jjai, about it and told her how helpless I felt because I didn’t know what else to do. She completely understood. I knew she would. And ultimately, as we normally do, ended up giggling and laughing. Right in the middle of a giggle, I received this flyer through the mail:
I was in shock! ha! And, check out the fine print!
Laugh more. Talk more. Share more quality time.
For our customer: Simone. haha! This reminds me of the woman who spoke on Oprah about The Secret, who said when you put something out into the universe, you are placing an order.
Jjai started laughing more and said, ‘You did that! You manifested that!’
This happened a few hours ago now. I’m still staring at this clear, in-my-face, express-delivered message from myself in awe. hahaha!…
Yup, still staring at it…
Belief Busting is a process I use to bust beliefs that aren’t working for me and then replacing that belief with one that is in line with my Spirit.
While I’m feeling bad or feeling what are referred to as negative emotions, I’ll see what beliefs I have that are making me feel that way. When I find it, I acknowledge that it is clearly not serving me because it’s making me feel bad. Usually, I then replace it with a belief that feels better.
I was feeling really sad and then feeling enraged, and I discovered I had the belief, “I deserve to be punished and to suffer for being myself.” (I started to laugh hysterically because I saw the absurdity of it!) Then, I replaced that belief with its opposite. I affirmed, “I deserve to be celebrated and to feel really good about being myself.” What a difference and what a shift! That same night, I talked to a good friend, who affirmed my new affirmation. In our conversation, he reflected back to me the shift that had taken place!
I begin to doubt myself about starting my blog. I was believing, “I think too highly of myself. It’s not okay to want to be successful and there is something wrong with thinking this way.” I realized that I took on the beliefs of other people’s opinions and judgments which have nothing to do with me. (I had a good laugh about that as well.) Then, I replaced those beliefs with the affirmation, “I think highly of myself and that’s okay!!!” That felt soooo much better. A few seconds later, I got two comments from people saying how much they enjoyed this blog. So amazing! Life is so amazing and so good. It truly is a perfect reflection what you believe!
Here’s the thing.
The key to my seeing almost immediate results from belief busting was finding a thought that actually feels good.
Or, as Abraham-Hicks would say, “finding a better feeling thought”.
You may find that thinking the opposite thought of what you currently believe, like I did, just isn’t believable. And because it’s not believable to you, thinking it doesn’t feel good. It may actually makes you feel worse.
No worries and no problem. Find a thought that feels good to you. Sometimes I’ll start with the thought, ‘I want to feel good.’, or ‘I want to feel better right now.’ And in just acknowledging that, I feel better!
Life wants us to feel good. I wholeheartedly accept.
Happy Belief Busting!